Just a short post before the exams...

Yet another gloomy morning, waking up startled, to the sounds of the quarreling parents... In my memories there was hardly any time i could think of that was filled with genuine joyfulness in the family. The word 'Dad' has long faded from my life. What is all these i am feeling? There is no such thing as a loving family in my life. Maybe, just somewhere in the back of my memories there used to be. Now, it's all just bleak and bitter. When we have an income today, we worry if we will next week. Everday we watch as my mother's paranoia grow extensively, watch her suspecting my dad, watch her following him around... and suffering. My father's lust is just revolting, always getting caught red-handed by my mum watching pornography. And then WWIII ensues. I just cannot fathom why she is inflicting such mental torture on herself. There is obviously no more love between the two, living together is just a misery everyday. Not just her, but us too. Perhaps it's because she has no job, no financial independence nor a house for us 2 children. Regardless, I want such days to just end. My life would be so much happier living with just my mum.

Okay enough ranting. Tomorrow, 25 September. My Promos Exams officially begin. I don't exactly know what is going on with my life now. I lost all motivation to really study intensively as I did for O's. Recently everything that I studied just fades away after a few days. What exactly is causing this? Maybe it's the school. Maybe it's just JC. (Just an update: I'm currently J1 in Raffles Junior College). I'm constantly stressed out by my classmates mugging ever so fervently, and being 'hardcore' so to speak. I panic when I attempt a chemistry practice paper and am unable to solve every single question. Tomorrow's my GP paper and I am anything but prepared. Dear precious heavenly Father, do watch over me. I know that you already have plans for me, that's the comfort i keep giving myself. So dear Lord, no matter what results I get, I am giving them to you. Thank You Father. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.